I thank God for having you in my life...

I'm just so happy that I have met you. The month of May is just a very memorable month for me, for the reason that I have talked to you again after 17 yrs. I never thought that my classmate in grade school would mean so much to me now. This is really the perfect time to enter again in a new relationship, after being single for years now.

At that particular moment, I prayed to God that I'll finally meet a person to whom I'll share my life with, and then He gave you to me. You really are an answered prayer. I love you so much sweetheart and I just can't afford to lose you. Thanks for everything. I hope and pray that you are the one already. I want to grow old with you. Yes, I want to marry you after a year, as what you've always asking from me. I really really love you "marvzzzz". I just can't wait to see you soon....

I'm doing Fine...

It has been months that I have written my last entry in here, 4 months to be exact. I almost have forgotten that this blog do exist, LMAO..

Well anyway, a lot of things happened the past months. Right after I wrote my last entry about losing my job, a few days later I landed a job in one of the most famous freelancing sites online. Yes God is just so great, He immediately revealed to me the kind of thing that I'll be doing, that is way better than my previous job. I'm just so thankful at that time since it really helped us pay our bills and the pay is way better than any regular day jobs out there. The pay is even better than my previous job. But unfortunately, my contracts ended already, and I'm currently struggling in finding another jobs on that site. Well, I have to remain positive and I know anytime soon God will provide jobs since He knows I badly need it right now, coz my daughter is in school already. God Please do help me....

I'm just so sad today since I failed for the second time.

I'm just so sad today when I saw one of the statuses of my co-worker. She is just so happy since she's already an IC. And after I read that, I just felt if I worked hard would I'd be able to reach that one as well. For the second time I failed. Maybe there's something wrong with me. I just felt that I'm not really good or smart enough. Looking back, I know that I have mistakes and my heart wasn't really into it. I'm not really focused on my work. So, look at what happened. I do have regrets again. For the second time I missed the opportunity that was given to me. This particular thing is definitely an eye-opener for me. I should change my attitudes towards work.

At this very moment, all I just want to say to myself is " for heaven sake, you need to work very hard now since in a few months time, your daughter will be going to school already! How would you be able to sustain her needs, and how would you be able to give her a brighter future if you're always like that!"

Lord please do help me as well since I don't have the enough courage and strength to face all the hardships in life, like the challenges at work. Please give me the enough strength that I needed.

Lord, please," parang di ko na kaya 'to". Please reveal the things that I should need to do in order for me to have that "day job" that I badly need at this very moment. And most of all, forgive me if I fail the second time around since I have mistakes as well. I didn't give importance to the opportunities that were given to me. But I need to move on now, and I should not dwell on the negative things that happened to me. But rather focus on finding another one and to correct all the mistakes that I've done. I'm very determined now. I hope You'll give me another chance and help me to do my job well.

I'm really hoping for the best...

It's almost a month since I have written an entry in here, and I must say I have missed this blog. So this will be my very first entry this 2012. LMAO...

Anyway, There were certain things that had happened in 2011 that really saddened me. Basically, 2011 wasn't really a great year for me. There were a lot of things that weren't easy to handle I must say. At times, I couldn't help but to feel that I am not good or smart enough because of what happened. The past year was really a roller-coaster ride for me. Nevertheless, I have no choice but to still move forward with my life. Even though it's really tough to do it, I believe in myself that I can still be able to do it though...I have to be strong for my family and most especially to my daughter..she's definitely my life, my everything...that's why no matter how cruel this world may be, I draw strength from her. She motivates me to work my butt off since as much as possible I want to give her all the material things that this world has to offer. I want to make sure that she has a brighter future ahead of her...So, whenever I feel like giving-up, I just think about her, and I know I'll be fine already..My angel really inspires me to be the better person that I can be...

I'm really hoping that 2012 would be a great year for me and for my family. I would love to claim that this is my year already..I really hope so...I just hope that everything will fall into place. That I'll eventually reap the fruits of my labor this time around..I hope that God will finally hear my prayers and give this particular thing that I've been asking from Him for years now...for the reason that I'm not asking this thing not just for myself but I honestly believe that my family will definitely benefit from it more than me..

My blogs

I have 5 blogs now all in all, 3 blogs with its domain names that are hosted by Blogger and 2 self-hosted Wordpress blogs. So far, there's  only one blog that is earning cents  from Google Adsense. That was my very first blog that focused on love and relationships, and the earnings are not so great, I'm wishing that it'll increase soon. My dream is that my very first blog would at least earn $1 a day from Google Adsense but it really requires a lot of work.

These past days, I'm also focusing on this blog and I'm monetizing it as well through Google Adsense and so far, I haven't earned anything from this one, that's why as much as possible, I'm writing an entry everyday just to increase my earnings by using this method of blog monetization.


I'm wishing as well that my blogs will have an increase page ranks soon, since the higher page rank you have, the more earnings in your pocket.

A bit scared about my monthly periods

For the past 4 years after giving birth, I haven't experienced yet a normal menstruation. For the past years, I could only count how many times I had my period. There was a time that I haven't had my period for almost a year and this thing really scares me. Last year, if I remember it right, I just had 2 periods, that each menstruation lasted for weeks and it's truly scary.

This year, I only had one menstruation and that was 2 months ago, that was just slight bleeding that lasted 2 days. And after a few weeks, I had spotting and until this month. I really don't know if what's wrong and it really scares me. I'm also not feeling well.

I have read that after you gave birth, it takes time for your menstruation to go back to normal. I have read some testimonials that they haven't had periods for years after giving birth and this is due to hormonal imbalance.

I'm really hoping and praying so hard that this is not a serious illness and this is just due to hormonal imbalance...Oh Lord Jesus, Please do Help me...I'm just a bit scared and very much worried....

I don't want to pursue it

I was talking to my mom awhile ago and we had a nice conversation. Our main topic was about something that I'm not 100% sure if it's going to work. For the past few days, I'm very much guilty since my mom noticed that I seemed so cold or I'm not interested in talking to her. And I admit that I'm not in the mood to talk to her at that time since I was a bit hurt of what I've discovered or the things that she had said about me. Even if she'll not tell if what she actually feels about me, I know she's very much disappointed with me since she has so much expectations from me that I haven't accomplished even a single thing from those expectations.

She really want me to pursue something, but to be honest, I don't want to do it since I don't want to be far away from my daughter, since she's my life and my strength. But I don't have any choice but to follow her. However, if I only have the option, I would rather continue doing what I love than to go to a particular place wherein I'll just be depressed and be missing my daughter. I can't say no to her since I still haven't proven myself if I'm really good with what I do and I have a future there.

I don't like people who belittle me

I don't like people who belittle me. And it's just so sad that the people who belittled you, is your family. Yes, it hurts so much. Right now, I don't know what to do since I just felt that I'm so helpless, so little and so disappointed with myself. I really don't know what's in store for me and if there's still a brighter future ahead of me. I just felt that every thing I do doesn't work at all. It seemed that it takes forever for me to receive the positive results of my hard work. And it hurts more when people closest to you are also the ones who would contribute to your loneliness and would make you feel that you're such a failure.


I don't like people who will control your life as if they know better than you, and you should listen to them since they are thinking that you are not capable of making decisions for yourself. They will not just ask about your ideas or suggestions or what you really felt at the moment. They are just so insensitive and so self-centered.

I really don't like people who are like this, but as what we always say, we can't really please everybody or you can't force everyone to like you.

The challenges you need to go through as a first time mother

A few years back, I still have some questions in mind such as what it feels like to become a first time mother, or the exact feeling of a girl who became a first time mom at a young age, like those girls who became pregnant during their teenage years. In this entry, I’m going to share with you guys the challenges I’ve faced for being a first time mom a couple of years back, and up to this very day.

Before, I thought becoming a mother will be that easy. And all I imagined was something like “I really want to have a daughter, a “mini me” something to that effect. I want to dress her up, or see her with those cute little outfits, and I want to give her all the cute stuffs or toys I’ve seen on the store. These were all the things I had in mind when I was still single.

Nevertheless, when I became a first time mother, everything has changed dramatically since it unveiled the reality of what exactly life is, and it actually taught me the real meaning of what motherhood is all about. I am a young mom myself, and I had my first baby in my early 20’s. However, when I had her, I could honestly say that I’m ready to embrace motherhood already even if I’m still young then. I remembered back then how my mom would remind me almost every single day on how hard it is to become a mom, and I was like “don’t worry mom I can handle this and I will do everything I can just to be the best mother for my child,” since I thought everything will be smooth and I can manage everything.

I’m just very thankful to my mother for the advices and all the things she imparted just to guide me in my journey through motherhood. And as we all know, mother knows best, that’s why I could say, what she had taught me through the years in terms of pregnancy, and as well as raising my daughter were really the best information I got than what were written in the books I’ve read.

At times, when we were still young, we have this mind-set that the hardest part of being a mother was the pregnancy stage. When you carry your child in your womb for 9 months, and when you have to experience all those annoying signs and symptoms such as the morning sickness, the mood swings, the loss of appetite, constipation, and so on. But once you gave birth, we think that everything is manageable or everything is easy as 123, since we believe we already passed the toughest part of being a first time mother. However, the challenges won’t end there since it is still the beginning of our journey. And this thing was exactly I believed in, a few years back when I finally gave birth, but after a couple of months, I realized the truth was exactly the opposite of what I used to believe in, there were still few rough roads that I need to pass through. Nevertheless, those challenges were very necessary for me to become the best mom that I can be and even if it sounds ironic, those challenges I went through really helped me to appreciate motherhood more.

Furthermore, once you gave birth, one of the biggest responsibilities in your life takes place, and that is to make sure that you’ll the best mother to your child. You’ll now focus on the welfare of your child. You’ll also say goodbye to some of the things you used to do when you still have a single status since the top of your list now won’t be shopping or going to the salon with your friends, or go bar hopping with them, but your main priority now is your child, and how you could give her all the best things that this world has to offer.

Nevertheless, motherhood doesn’t necessarily mean your life would be boring since I have mentioned above that there will be some changes when it comes to your priorities in life, and there will be a lot of adjustments in life, and I totally understand that it’s just so hard to adjust on things, especially if you’re already used to all those stuffs, and it is indeed really hard to let go of the things that you enjoy doing. However, the key here is that you have to be ready emotionally, psychologically, and physically before you enter motherhood. You should be ready in these aspects so that you’ll be more willing to sacrifice things. And you also have to ensure that your partner is also ready in those 3 aspects and in financial aspect as well. You have to make sure that both of you have already anticipated if what are the parents’ responsibilities to their child, so that both of you won’t be overwhelmed with those responsibilities once you entered parenthood and married life.

Well, in my case, even though I became a first time mom at a young age, there were no regrets at all. Since I entered motherhood when I felt that I was ready, and I believed that I already made the most out of my single status. Enjoying your life while you’re single is very important, so that there will be no regrets on your part in the long run, once you’ve decided to tie the knot with your chosen partner. And not to mention, you’ll no longer tell yourself that if you could just turn back time, you will correct the mistake you’ve made, and you’ll make sure that you are just going to walk down the aisle, once you’ve made the most out of your single life and when you’re completely ready.

Moreover, as a first time mother, I really had a hard time adjusting to the new chapter in my life back then since everything was all new to me. There was this one time, when I just gave birth to my daughter, I had no idea at all on how to stop her from crying. I fed her and all since I thought she was just hungry or something.  I did everything I can just to stop her from crying out loud, but still nothing happens. I was really in tears as well while cuddling her, since I thought there was something wrong, if she’s in pain or whatsoever. This is really the hardest thing when taking care of a baby who is below one year old or when your child wasn’t able to express what they actually feel. Back then, it really broke my heart every time I saw her crying when I knew there was really something wrong but I couldn’t do a single thing for her as soon as I can, since I had a hard time figuring it out. And I’m really freaking out every time she was not feeling well or even if she was just having a slight fever.

Becoming a first time mother is not an easy task and it is indeed the toughest job in the world I must say. Nonetheless, it is the most fulfilling thing on earth. Once you felt and seen you’ve done an amazing job of raising your child, it would be the most wonderful feeling you could ever felt in your lifetime. Right now, my daughter is already 4 years old and I just realized how fast time flies. There are still little things I need to work on such as the best strategies for her to eat her healthy meal since all she wants to eat is fried chicken, *lol* and seriously, at times I ran out of idea on how to make her eat those healthy stuffs I prepared for her. And I believe that having a hard time feeding your child with healthy food during this age is normally most mothers would experience.

To top it all off, being a first time mom won’t be as easy as 123, but the joy that you’ve felt and the joy that you’re daughter is giving you is just so overwhelming. The happiness you felt once you’ve become a mom is indeed indescribable and absolutely beyond words.

However, I would say this with conviction, motherhood really requires a higher level of maturity. I need to emphasize maturity since I have read somewhere on the web, that a lot of teenagers would want to be mothers at a tender age, which is very alarming. We have to always bear in mind that there is always a right time for everything. Becoming pregnant at an early age is very unhealthy both on the mother and the unborn child, since they are still in the puberty stage. Just always be in the right track, do the things that you know in your hearts are right, and everything will fall into place. Just enjoy your youth, and don’t rush things.

Searching for ways on how to earn more money online ...

 I have been searching online for ways to earn more money online since honestly, it's really hard to earn a decent amount of money on the internet. I need to find possible ways in order to make a regular income every month and that would be very hard if you work from your home. I did an intense research on the web on how to do it. But there's a particular article that caught my attention, so I immediately read it.

It's not the usual article on earning money online, as a matter of fact it doesn't give ideas at all to its readers on how to earn more money online.  In fairness to the person who wrote it, she pointed out some things on what's the reality of blogging and if there's really truth to what others claiming over the net that indeed, they earn from it. She jotted down there that only a very small percentage of bloggers around the world who make a living from blogging, and majority of bloggers don't earn that much or let's just say, their hard work didn't pay-off in the long run.


However, what I didn't like about the article, as well as the rest of the people who have read it is that, you have to be very great for you to earn money from it or you don't have future at all in blogging if you're not as talented as her in writing, and she has a wrong way of saying it to her readers. It's kind of insulting a person that if you're not as great as her, then you better stop or don't try reaching your dream. She even boasted her achievements, her traffic, how a great writer she is, which is kind of a slap in the face. It's her way of saying that "if you don't have achievements like mine, or you don't have that fantastic writing skills as mine, then you better stop blogging. " As a matter of fact, she received numerous negative comments from that entry. A lot of people were saying that she just wrote that article just to drive traffic to her site, and others said that she is just so mean for saying those kind of things to a person who have read it and just starting to reach his/her dream in the world of blogging, wherein he/she might be discouraged and would give that person a low self-esteem if he/she has still a place in the blogosphere.


Honestly, when I read that post, I was sort of discouraged, but thanks to the majority of people who have commented and they just enlightened me. They have pointed out that you don't have to be  great writer for you to earn money from blogging. All you need is determination, hard work, patience, and you love what you do. If you have the passion for it, then don't stop reaching your dream.


I'm very much willing to work hard so that I could earn more money online. I completely understand that it would really take time to earn a decent amount of money on the web or if you work from your home. So, it really requires  lot of patience and hard work.

I hope you understand me....

I just want to express here what I really felt at the moment. I was talking to my mother over the phone yesterday, and after that conversation, I felt so little. I got hurt not because she scolded me and the like, but as a matter of fact it was just the typical conversation we had every time she called us up. The conversation ended well, however, after we talked I just felt so helpless and discouraged with myself.


I love my mother so much, I owe every thing to her. If not because of her I won't be the person I am now. She is both the mother and the father at the same time. However, all I want is that she will be more sensitive and careful about the words she uttered since even if she never intentioned to hurt me, but the words or comments she used kind of belittled me. There were times as well that she did that and all I want to do is to cry out loud. I don't compete with anyone, even though she don't see my efforts I'm really working hard for my future and most especially for my baby, God knows every thing what's truly in my heart. I don't want to rush things that's why I'm doing things one day at a time.


She has the tendency to control my life and she really wants that I'll be the one to fulfill all her dreams for herself and for our family. I'm very much willing to do every thing I can just to improve our living and to give the things that I believe she would be very happy to have.It's just that, I want her to be realistic, since if you want a particular thing, you can't have that at a certain age, even if you already told yourself, "at the age of 30 I want to achieve this or that or I want to have this or that" since you don't have control of what's going to happen in the future. Yes, I really understand that it really needs a lot of hard work and luck as well, of course with the guidance and the help of God.


All I want is that she would be sensitive on what I actually feel, and let me live my life the way I want. I'm not a bad person, I don't even go out with my friends, and most of the time, I'm just at home. I already considered myself a responsible person. I had corrected the wrong things I've done in the past and because of those things, I became a better person. I'm doing and practicing the things what I believe what's right not just in the eyes of people but most importantly, in the eyes of God.


All I want is that she would just guide me and not totally make a decision for me. "Just let me live my life and let me decide for myself, what career path I should take, and let me achieve my dreams the way I want it. " I want to say it with conviction, I know what are my duties and responsibilities in life, for you, for my family, and for my daughter. Just don't take away my dream to be with my daughter and see her grow. She's my life, my every thing. I don't want to work abroad, since all I want is to try my luck here, no matter how hard it is, as long as I'm with my daughter, that's the most important thing for me. I want to take care of her and be with her when she's going through something. I want her to feel my love. And I can't do these things when I'm far away from her. Please stop insisting that I should work abroad since you believe that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. "


"Mom, you're a great mother, I understand that all you want is the best for us. But always remember that we're not kids anymore. We already know how to make decisions for ourselves, and please don't take that away from us.You have to always ask us what we want to do with our lives and the things we want to do. All you have to do is to give us advices, and make us feel that whenever we fell and made bad decisions in life, you are always there to welcome us with open arms. Please LET US MAKE DECISIONS FOR OURSELVES SO THAT WE WILL GROW AS A PERSON, AND PLEASE DON'T COMPARE US WITH OTHER PEOPLE, WITH THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS, SINCE YOU JUST MAKE US FEEL HOW LITTLE WE ARE. I hope you understand me."

Missed this blog..

The last time I wrote an entry here was a couple of days ago, and I must say, I missed this blog. It always took me a couple of days before I could write again another entry here because as what I've always said, I'm just too busy with work, and other things both online and offline. Well, anyway, I'm just happy since I bought another domain name for my other blog. So, all in all, I have 3 domain names already, and this one is the only blog that is still a blogspot. This blog will remain a blogspot since most of the entries here are too personal, wherein I have no plans of sharing it with other people.

However, I understand that there are a few people that could still read some of my entries here since this blog is visible to public, like people who searched some keywords on search engines and land on my blog, that is of course beyond my control.

Nevertheless, I don't mind if there are still a few people who could read what I've written here, since as far as I know, even if some of my entries here were too personal, I believe that there's no reason for me at all to worry if they have read my rantings in here. But for now, I still don't want to promote this blog to other bloggers, maybe I'll changed my mind once this blog has a higher page rank already.*Lol* I hope this thing would really happen so that I could really make the most of this blog, which is to speak my heart out, and monetizing it at the same time.*Lol.

How fast time flies

I have already mentioned on my previous post that my daughter is now 4 years old. And as what I’ve said how fast time flies. 4 years ago, she was still this tiny angel that was so cute and adorable, that all you can think of is to protect her from anything that may cause her harm, and to give her all the best things that this world can offer. You want to always cuddle her and let her feel your warmth and your love for her. And all you can say was that she is the best thing that ever happened to you, the best gift you ever received from God, and I want to express how I love her with all my heart.

In the coming months (I know it’s a bit late already since a lot of kids are going to school as early as 3 years old), she’s already going to school. Wherein I have some worries on how she would be able to cope with the stress in school, since it’s another environment, and she would be interacting with other people, which is a major change by the way. For the past 4 years of her life, her world revolved around us, that’s why I wonder how she would interact with people that are unfamiliar to her, and how she could cope up with unfamiliar environment as well. Nevertheless, I believe that it won’t be that hard for her to cope up with the changes since my daughter is very sweet and friendly, even to those people she just met. And not to mention, she loves to talk with people. 

However, I couldn’t help but to worry since we all experienced a kind of fear when we were in our very first day in school, back when we were kids. I remembered back then, when I was on my very first day in school, my mother had a hard time convincing me to enter the classroom since everything was all strange to me. She also had a difficult time every moment I sensed that it was already time to go to school, since I’ll start crying and I always said that I didn’t want to go to school. I really had this separation-anxiety that I don’t want to be separated from her, and every time that I was about to enter the classroom, I also want her to be with me inside the room. I know that this kind of thing is pretty normal, that’s why I have worries when my daughter begins to go to school. I don’t want her to experience that kind of fear, because I don’t want to see her having a hard time coping with the changes that are happening to her. I love my daughter very much that’s why as much as possible, I want everything to be a pleasurable experience for her.

As mothers, we have this kind of mind-set that we don’t want to see our children crying or hurting. We always want to see that smile and hear that laughter in them, instead of tears. As much as possible, we always want them to be happy, and to have positive outlook in life.

Anyway, I’m already telling her that she will be going to school very soon, and I can see in her face that she is very excited about it. She even keeps on asking me, when will be the exact date since she is ecstatic about going to school. Seeing that kind of reaction from her really feels so great, since I can tell that she’s looking forward to going to school, which is actually a great indicator as well, that I won’t be having a hard time at all in convincing her to go to school when that day comes.

My daughter is now 4 years old...

We have celebrated my daughter's birthday last 3 days ago, the thing that also made me busy these past few days, in preparing for just a simple celebration with my family and closest friends.And it was a lot of fun, and the birthday celebrant really enjoyed what I've prepared for her, which is the most important thing for me.

And now I just realized how time flies, because it's been 4 years since I gave birth to her. Yes, she is now 4 years old, and it makes me think I'm now getting older as well, *Lol*.On a serious note, now that she's again a year older, I have realized a lot of things. I can't let go of the fact that in the years to come, she will be entering into a new chapter in her life, wherein she'll have to deal with the stress and reality of life. As we all know, life can be cruel at times, and that's what scares me the most. Since she's my baby and forever be my baby, I can't let go of the fact that when she reached a certain age, she will be the only one who would make a decision for herself and would really decide on what path she'll take. Wherein I couldn't be always there to protect her 24/7, as much as I want to. That’s not possible since she also has her own life, that for sure, she wants to live it by herself, that I also find very important for her to learn more about life, for her to be more independent and to learn from each mistakes that she'll commit in her life. And with those problems that she's going to face, she'll eventually become a much stronger and better person.

As parents, the thing that we can do is to support our children every step of the way ,and to show our undying love for them that no matter what they do, even if they’ll  mess-up or commit  some major mistakes in their lives, we are still there who would accept them with open arms.

I’m praying so hard that this world would not be too hard on her, that she’ll be a very strong person so that she could face all trials with confidence, and be able to overcome whatever trials that might come along her way.

What path should I take..

The result of the December 2010 Nursing Licensure examination was released this month and I congratulate the newly-registered nurses who passed and it’s great to know that your hard work paid-off. I have a friend who passed and I’m just so happy for her. She truly deserves it since she’s working so hard just to be where she is right now. I’ve witnessed how she worked hard, her sleepless nights really paid off. She is also very excited to find job since being a registered nurse was really her dream ever since and for her to land a job in a hospital as well. I am just so glad she made it along with thousands of passers.


I am also a registered nurse myself and passed the nursing licensure exam almost 3 years ago. At that time, I’m very excited to practice my profession and I was very happy the moment I knew that I did pass. But after 3 long years, things have changed. I went through a lot and I just realized that this profession was not really for me. That’s why now I’m looking for new opportunities and I’m also planning to go back to school or something, but for now I'll still have to think a lot of times if what things to pursue.