A bit scared about my monthly periods

For the past 4 years after giving birth, I haven't experienced yet a normal menstruation. For the past years, I could only count how many times I had my period. There was a time that I haven't had my period for almost a year and this thing really scares me. Last year, if I remember it right, I just had 2 periods, that each menstruation lasted for weeks and it's truly scary.

This year, I only had one menstruation and that was 2 months ago, that was just slight bleeding that lasted 2 days. And after a few weeks, I had spotting and until this month. I really don't know if what's wrong and it really scares me. I'm also not feeling well.

I have read that after you gave birth, it takes time for your menstruation to go back to normal. I have read some testimonials that they haven't had periods for years after giving birth and this is due to hormonal imbalance.

I'm really hoping and praying so hard that this is not a serious illness and this is just due to hormonal imbalance...Oh Lord Jesus, Please do Help me...I'm just a bit scared and very much worried....

I don't want to pursue it

I was talking to my mom awhile ago and we had a nice conversation. Our main topic was about something that I'm not 100% sure if it's going to work. For the past few days, I'm very much guilty since my mom noticed that I seemed so cold or I'm not interested in talking to her. And I admit that I'm not in the mood to talk to her at that time since I was a bit hurt of what I've discovered or the things that she had said about me. Even if she'll not tell if what she actually feels about me, I know she's very much disappointed with me since she has so much expectations from me that I haven't accomplished even a single thing from those expectations.

She really want me to pursue something, but to be honest, I don't want to do it since I don't want to be far away from my daughter, since she's my life and my strength. But I don't have any choice but to follow her. However, if I only have the option, I would rather continue doing what I love than to go to a particular place wherein I'll just be depressed and be missing my daughter. I can't say no to her since I still haven't proven myself if I'm really good with what I do and I have a future there.

I don't like people who belittle me

I don't like people who belittle me. And it's just so sad that the people who belittled you, is your family. Yes, it hurts so much. Right now, I don't know what to do since I just felt that I'm so helpless, so little and so disappointed with myself. I really don't know what's in store for me and if there's still a brighter future ahead of me. I just felt that every thing I do doesn't work at all. It seemed that it takes forever for me to receive the positive results of my hard work. And it hurts more when people closest to you are also the ones who would contribute to your loneliness and would make you feel that you're such a failure.


I don't like people who will control your life as if they know better than you, and you should listen to them since they are thinking that you are not capable of making decisions for yourself. They will not just ask about your ideas or suggestions or what you really felt at the moment. They are just so insensitive and so self-centered.

I really don't like people who are like this, but as what we always say, we can't really please everybody or you can't force everyone to like you.

A private blog no more

This is my second blog that I created in November of last year. At first, I have no plans of monetizing it since I want it to be a private blog of mine, wherein I can speak out every thing I want and this was the reason why I blog here. But when I realized the earning potential of blogging, it really changed my mind. Actually, I have posted in my previous posts that I have no plans of promoting this blog since I really considered this one a very personal blog of mine and I don't want to share it with other people if what were written here, since I find other posts too personal and this is really a private blog. As a matter of fact, I have no plans before, in purchasing a domain name for this one and I just wanted this one up to remain a blogspot.

However, as what I've mentioned above, these past few days I really wanted to get serious in blogging. Even though the reason why I blog here is to speak out what's in my mind, I'm still wanting to earn a little cash in my pocket. So, I'll do all the possible things just to make the most out of my blogs in terms of earnings. So, my first step was to buy domain names for all of my blogs, including this one. That's why I decided to write entries here more often but I'll still jot down here some personal stuff about me that I couldn't write in my other blogs. This blog will still remain as my outlet for all the things I want to rant about and at the same time, write some stuff that a lot of people find interesting or I'll just create another private blog, wherein I could write some very personal stuff about my life.

I'm hoping that this blog could receive decent traffic from major search engines. I know it requires a lot of hard work though, and I'm willing to do it. Since I love what I do now, I'm really focused, in order to have some positive results in the long run. This is really my wish for this blog.

Ni Yao De Ai - My most favorite Taiwanese song

Ni Yao De Ai is really my favorite Taiwanese song. It is translated as "The Love You Want" in English that sang by Penny Tai. Actually, I was listening to it a while ago that's why I decided to write this entry. I have embedded  the music video of it above so that you could also hear how beautiful the melody of the song is, as well as the song itself.

Ni Yao De Ai is one of the soundtracks of the very famous Asianovela which is "Meteor Garden". I so love this Taiwanese drama that was shown here in the Philippines way back in 2003 and so far my most favorite Asianovela ever seen in the country. I was just so hooked to it. Every time this song was played in this famous Asianovela, you can't help but to be carried away and feel the emotions that each of the characters showed in a particular scene.

 I'll never get tired of listening to it and this will definitely be my forever favorite since this is such a beautiful love song that I just can't afford to forget.

Sandara Park - My favorite Korean star

Sandara Park

Sandara Park is really my favorite even way back in 2004 when she was still a finalist in Star Circle Quest, the Abs-Cbn talent search. She was one of the reasons why I watched that show back then. And actually, I have seen some of her movies with Hero Angeles.

Last 2007, I was just wondering why is it that she was no longer visible on Philippine television. And I just heard that she decided to go back in Korea in order to pursue her studies. Right after that I haven't heard anything about her. I was just so surprised that she auditioned in YG entertainment to become one of the members of 2ne1, the Korean girl group. Then, she passed the said audition and the rest as they say, is history.

Sandara Park has definitely reached the superstar status in Korea. Nevertheless, she remains humble and always looks back to the days when she was still an actress in the Philippines. A lot of her Filipino fans including myself were so ecstatic when they knew that Sandara Park together with the rest of 2ne1 members will be having a concert. As a matters of fact, thousands of her fans were there at the Araneta Coliseum last June 4 to witness how she has changed through the years and see her perform once again. And it’s so sad, I wasn’t able to watch it since I live here in Mindanao, and I don’t have enough funds to fly to Manila and watch the said concert. All I did was to watch it through You tube and thanks to the people who uploaded it.  Anyway, she even mentioned that night that one of her dreams was to perform at the big dome, and I’m glad she was able to achieve it already that very night.

One of the videos that surprised me was when she sang her popular song back then, the “In or Out” at the concert. She was still able to memorize the lyrics of that song and even the steps, to think that she is very popular in Korea already and not to mention, that song was released 5 0r 6 years ago. You could really tell that she never forgot her Filipino fans and she really appreciated the fact that she was an artist here in the Philippines a couple of years back. She still speaks “Tagalog” very well and she’s just so cute and very charming, I must say. Just in case you haven’t seen yet the video of the concert when she sang the song, I have embedded a video of it below, as well as the music video of “In or Out”.

                      Sandara Park singing "In or Out" at their concert in Araneta

                                         Music video of "In or Out" of Sandara Park


 I hope that Sandara Park will never forget her Filipino fans and would still continue to visit the country. Since I honestly believe that the Filipinos will never forget her and she’ll always be remembered as the “Pambansang Krung-krung ng Pilipinas”. I hope that when she comes back here or when there’s another 2ne1 concert in Manila, I would be able to watch it already, since I want to really see them perform live on stage. Well, I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

I'm Sorry...

I'm sorry mom if I haven't talked to you on the phone but it's just that I'm really hurting nowadays of what I've learned a few days back. I just felt so helpless for what's going on right now. Is it the measurement of being a good daughter for you is through the ability of your children to provide the things we need? I know I still haven't reached that point yet, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't have dreams at all. If you only knew what I went through these past years and how I handled all the bad things that happened to me all by myself, with no one to talk to.

And all I can do during those times was to cry at night. I'm still in the process of healing right now for all the hardships I went through, and I'm having a hard time in bringing back the confidence I have for myself. I just don't want to be hurt "ma" and I'm so tired already. I don't know if when will be time wherein I can say that I'm very much happy already and I do have a peace of mind as well. But, I still have to be strong for my child and she's my life, my everything. I know God sees what's inside my heart and the pain that I'm going through that I just keep to myself for the longest time now. He's just the only one who understands me since in this world, there's no one that I can turn to, even someone in the family.