I hope you understand me....

I just want to express here what I really felt at the moment. I was talking to my mother over the phone yesterday, and after that conversation, I felt so little. I got hurt not because she scolded me and the like, but as a matter of fact it was just the typical conversation we had every time she called us up. The conversation ended well, however, after we talked I just felt so helpless and discouraged with myself.


I love my mother so much, I owe every thing to her. If not because of her I won't be the person I am now. She is both the mother and the father at the same time. However, all I want is that she will be more sensitive and careful about the words she uttered since even if she never intentioned to hurt me, but the words or comments she used kind of belittled me. There were times as well that she did that and all I want to do is to cry out loud. I don't compete with anyone, even though she don't see my efforts I'm really working hard for my future and most especially for my baby, God knows every thing what's truly in my heart. I don't want to rush things that's why I'm doing things one day at a time.


She has the tendency to control my life and she really wants that I'll be the one to fulfill all her dreams for herself and for our family. I'm very much willing to do every thing I can just to improve our living and to give the things that I believe she would be very happy to have.It's just that, I want her to be realistic, since if you want a particular thing, you can't have that at a certain age, even if you already told yourself, "at the age of 30 I want to achieve this or that or I want to have this or that" since you don't have control of what's going to happen in the future. Yes, I really understand that it really needs a lot of hard work and luck as well, of course with the guidance and the help of God.


All I want is that she would be sensitive on what I actually feel, and let me live my life the way I want. I'm not a bad person, I don't even go out with my friends, and most of the time, I'm just at home. I already considered myself a responsible person. I had corrected the wrong things I've done in the past and because of those things, I became a better person. I'm doing and practicing the things what I believe what's right not just in the eyes of people but most importantly, in the eyes of God.


All I want is that she would just guide me and not totally make a decision for me. "Just let me live my life and let me decide for myself, what career path I should take, and let me achieve my dreams the way I want it. " I want to say it with conviction, I know what are my duties and responsibilities in life, for you, for my family, and for my daughter. Just don't take away my dream to be with my daughter and see her grow. She's my life, my every thing. I don't want to work abroad, since all I want is to try my luck here, no matter how hard it is, as long as I'm with my daughter, that's the most important thing for me. I want to take care of her and be with her when she's going through something. I want her to feel my love. And I can't do these things when I'm far away from her. Please stop insisting that I should work abroad since you believe that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. "


"Mom, you're a great mother, I understand that all you want is the best for us. But always remember that we're not kids anymore. We already know how to make decisions for ourselves, and please don't take that away from us.You have to always ask us what we want to do with our lives and the things we want to do. All you have to do is to give us advices, and make us feel that whenever we fell and made bad decisions in life, you are always there to welcome us with open arms. Please LET US MAKE DECISIONS FOR OURSELVES SO THAT WE WILL GROW AS A PERSON, AND PLEASE DON'T COMPARE US WITH OTHER PEOPLE, WITH THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS, SINCE YOU JUST MAKE US FEEL HOW LITTLE WE ARE. I hope you understand me."